I've never felt so lost

Since I have been at Bay gardens my love of funeral service has diminished. I hate the fakeness, and how I can't be myself. I am a happy, easy going person, and that is not what a funeral director has to be. I embalmed my first autopsied body the other day, and was more excited to see what was in the fridge at the morgue and what was in the viscera bag then actually embalming the guy. PS-Joelle and the licence Liz couldn't find the axillary artery and both looked for it twice, and I found it in less the 5 minutes :P It felt amazing to root around inside someone like that. And seeing the hollowed out cranium from the inside was just amazing. But it really got me thinking when I wanted to dump out the viscera and go through it more then I even wanted to embalm. For so long embalming has been all I wanted to do, and now I feel like it just isn't enough for me. I wish i could handle university, and go to school for forensic science or something like that. Really I just want to do autopsies or at least help with them, and I have no idea how to do that! That information isn't exactly out there for all to see. I think I may call the general hospital tomorrow and speak with someone from the morgue and see if they can point me in the right direction. I really can't stand feeling the way I do because i've been so used to having my whole life planned out, and now it's all gone to shit.