Can't sleep? May as well blog!

Soooo I guess my life hasn't been all that interesting lately or i'd be utilizing this blog more! But really, I totally forgot about it till Megan sent me a link to hers, so at least i'm blogging now! First of all, I really hate that my url is "funeraldirector87" Man, I wish i'd known funeral services wasn't the long term plan for me or i'd have chosen another, more appropriate name. But alas..

Right now the biggest thing on my mind is the H1N1 "pandemic". The media has got people absolutely fucking paranoid that this is the thing that is going to kill us all. Most people don't even know what is so different about the virus, but they're bloody terrified. This fear, I feel, Is completely 100% unfounded. This virus is not new, there have been outbreaks before that everyone was convinced was gonna wipe us out, yet here we all are! H1N1 Strains actually caused about half of the human flu infections in 2006. But you didn't hear about it then, so nobody was scared. What were we afraid of that year? SARS? Terrorists? We live in a culture of fear. Media is twisting the facts about this virus, and to me, that is a very risky idea. People are no longer looking into things for themselves; forming their own opinions, taking responsibility for their own health. Did you know that during that average flu season we lose about 300 people a day due to complications, but the H1N1 virus only kills an average of only 80 a day. Bet the news didn't tell you that! The average person should be more concerned with the regular flu bug killing them! So if you are reading this, PLEASE I urge you...do your homework. Don't believe everything you hear. Be informed. Know your options. Don't live in fear. Don't be a brainless follower.

Long weekends = wonderfull

This weekend was the labour day long weekend. Now most of the time I hate long weekends, it's just an extra day of boring...but this weeekend was wonderful. Friday night Dylan & I hosted an end of summer/fareh is in town bash in the backyard, which was really fun. Saturday DYl & I went to African lion Safari (aka the best place ever) We saw the giraffes and goats, but some of the animals were not out because of the time of year. That was a little disappointing but what are you gonna do? Then Sunday I had to work 10-6, and after Doug & Carla took us out for a late birthday dinner at Kampai. MMM sushi=amazing. And yesterday Dyla, Steve & I went for a 2 hour hike near mt. albion, which was so fun. It's been so long since i've done it. It felt so nice to be outside and active. Need to do that more often for sure! And to make it all even better, the weather was beautiful with no rain. So yea, this weekend rocked. And after so many shitty weather weekends it's like the summer was like "fine, here..have fun"



On a completely unrelated topic, my poor kitty has been limping for a few days now. I'm worried but not at the same time. She's still doing her usual jumping and stuff, but the fact that she's limping obviously isn't good. I'm going to call the vet tommorrow and see what they suggest.

I've never felt so lost

Since I have been at Bay gardens my love of funeral service has diminished. I hate the fakeness, and how I can't be myself. I am a happy, easy going person, and that is not what a funeral director has to be. I embalmed my first autopsied body the other day, and was more excited to see what was in the fridge at the morgue and what was in the viscera bag then actually embalming the guy. PS-Joelle and the licence Liz couldn't find the axillary artery and both looked for it twice, and I found it in less the 5 minutes :P It felt amazing to root around inside someone like that. And seeing the hollowed out cranium from the inside was just amazing. But it really got me thinking when I wanted to dump out the viscera and go through it more then I even wanted to embalm. For so long embalming has been all I wanted to do, and now I feel like it just isn't enough for me. I wish i could handle university, and go to school for forensic science or something like that. Really I just want to do autopsies or at least help with them, and I have no idea how to do that! That information isn't exactly out there for all to see. I think I may call the general hospital tomorrow and speak with someone from the morgue and see if they can point me in the right direction. I really can't stand feeling the way I do because i've been so used to having my whole life planned out, and now it's all gone to shit.

It's been a great day!

So I had my interview today at Metro, and got the job after literally 2 minutes of talking to the boss...it was great. I was a little scared though, since she was going to call me with my hours for the coming week, and I don't have black pants or shoes for work. I asked Dylans parents if I could borrow the money off them, and they were like, no..but it can be your christmas present....and while you're at it, get 2 pairs of pants and some winter boots :O So we went to mark's and i got shoes and 2 pairs of really nice pants, which i can wear to funeral homes too, and a pair of black emu boots from town shoes (which are super comfy and warm, and only $99) Overall, it was a wonderful day. I start work on Monday, and have 4 shifts, most of which are 5 hours. Also, I asked for the weekend of the 2oth off and got it, so I can go to Brice x-mas with Dylan. It'll be really nice having a pay cheque again...

Oh, and while I was at the doctors yesterday I mentioned that I was interested in getting breast reduction, and she said that she'd set up a surgical consult for me, and that it will be covered under OHIP. I'm not sure when i'll be able to do it though, because with the internship coming up I can't afford to not be able to lift anything heavy for a few months. I probably won't have the surgery anytime soon, but it's nice to know that the option is there when i'm ready for it.

50 confessions.

1. I stole this idea from someone else
2. I'd rather have 1 best friend then 20 acquaintances
3. I hate birds, they have weird feet....
4. I've always wanted a pet goat.
5. My dad is no longer alive, and sometimes I wish I would have got to know him when I had the chance
6. Sometimes I think people get the wrong impression about me
7. I have a really hard time opening myself up to new people
8. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Dylan
9. It makes me sad that I should be a licensed funeral director by now, but i'm not. It makes me feel like a failure.
10. I hate when people ask me how I think something went...like an interview or a test.
11. I don't like feeling like an outsider with my own family. I really don't see them enough....
12. I can be a total bitch, or the nicest girl ever.
13. In the past i've wanted to be a vet,
14. and a doctor,
15. and a coroner...
16. I've decided to be a funeral director.
17. Funeral services is a big part of who I am. I look at things differently then most people because of this.
18. I suck at most video games
19. I chew straws, pens, and pencils constantly
20. I'm addicted to popsicles
21: I'm a really picky eater
22: I wish I had a car
23. I procrastinate wayyyy too much
24. I hate when people ask me stupid questions about dead bodies
25. Everyone tells me I smell nice =)
26. I'm bad with names
27. I love the look of heels, but I avoid wearing them at all costs. They are far too uncomfortable.
28. I love to go shopping.
29. Down the road I plan on having a breast reduction.
30. I want to be covered in tattoos. I find them hot.
31. ...even though they really hurt.
32. I am terrified of bugs
33. But I love snakes...
34. I've never seen any of the lord of the rings movies....
35. I've had every color hair in the book
36. I used to have my tongue, nipple, and tragus pierced, but I had to take them all out for one reason or another.
37. Sometimes I miss being single
38. I hate when strangers are in my personal space. Back off...
39. I don't like that a lot of kids in university look down on people who went to college. Just because you paid more for your education does not make you better then me.
40. I hate being fake. I hate forced conversations.
41. I'm not into drama.
42. I'm great at picking up on subtle things like body language and sarcasm.
43. It makes me sound like a freak, but I really like blood. My favorite part of embalming is watching blood come out of the body and run down the table with the occasional blood clot.
44. I like halloween more then christmas.
45. Instead of having a kid, I want to adopt.
46. Before I do that, I want to see the world.
47. I wish I could get to know people better.
48. I talk to my pets.
49. I can't wait to see where life takes me.
50. It was surprisingly easy to think of 50 things to say about myself.

Life, or something like it.

Lately, I am restless. Every day is the same. Nothing changes.....it's horrible. I have 6(ish) months till I start an internship, and I already feel at a huge disadvantage. I don't have my license, and no money to get it, or get a suit so I can do my 40 hours of observation. I'm at a red light, and i'm DYING for it to turn green. Dylan is never here, he's either at school or working. I don't blame him and i'm not mad, I'm envious. At least he has something in his life other then me. Must be nice...

Christmas is fast approaching.

At a dinner at my parents house tonight I was reminded of the fact that Christmas will be here in a little over a month. This worries me. I don't have a job, and no more government cheques to keep me afloat, so I have no idea how I'm buying presents. I hate this, it makes me feel like a pile of shit. Hopefully I find a job soon, or else I'm fucked.......

On another note, I really want a pink or purple Christmas tree this year. I don't see it happening though, because I'd be the only one who wants one :( And I'd like a black feather wreath :D:D I can't wait till Dylan and I have our own place.